


ikaw ang araw sa tag-ulan

by heartshaker



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Another vent fic, M/M, inspired by many filipino songs/music videos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-13
Updated: 2016-12-13
Packaged: 2018-09-08 07:39:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,217
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8836045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartshaker/pseuds/heartshaker
Summary: And maybe, he’s still in love. Because you never really forget your first love, right? And maybe it hit Koutarou too much. He thought that they’d be together forever. And they’d drink hot chocolate forever with three marshmallows because Keiji hates odd numbers. And they’d watch American movies with the subtitles turned off because they’re not even watching—they’re playing with each other’s hairs and whispering their dreams in the dark as a girl cries in the background when her love interest leaves.It all really sucks.





	

_LOVING SOMEONE_ , Bokuto Koutarou realizes, is very hard yet so easy.

     Well, for one, he never thought he’d meet The One. But he did. And then the ‘cruel incident’ happened—

     He wasn’t The One for his The One.

     It was a series of angry, sad tears. Really. He could remember the day perfectly. A cold, winter day. Holding hands. Pink cheeks and noses. Love practically vibrating off them. It was perfect, really.

     Except that it wasn’t.

     “I really think that we should break up.”

     Akaashi Keiji really is an asshole.

 

Nope. Koutarou quickly rejects the thought. Akaashi Keiji really wasn’t an asshole. Nope. Nope. Nope.

     (Koutarou’s lying. Keiji is the biggest asshole to ever live.)

     But Koutarou beats himself up for it. It just wasn’t fair! Who leaves someone they love? For Christ’s sake, this wasn’t a goddamn romance movie where the girl leaves the boy and after ten years they miraculously find each other and make love under the stars.

     (Koutarou is wishing.)

     But it’s been two years and Koutarou’s still hoping for his phone to light up and an unknown number messages him with a:

            _I’m sorry I fucked up our relationship. I miss you. Can we meet up? – AK._

     But the only unknown number he’s ever got is a drug dealer telling him to pay. And he’s never even had any drugs! Koutarou’s life was a series of unfortunate events. 

     And maybe, he’s still in love. Because you never really forget your first love, right? And maybe it hit Koutarou too much. He thought that they’d be together forever. And they’d drink hot chocolate forever with three marshmallows because Keiji hates odd numbers. And they’d watch American movies with the subtitles turned off because they’re not even watching—they’re playing with each other’s hairs and whispering their dreams in the dark as a girl cries in the background when her love interest leaves.

     It all really sucks.

 

On December 5th, Koutarou receives a package. It was a medium-sized box with no return address. Koutarou spent two hours not opening it, in fear of an animal probably jumping out.

     (No, Koutarou was not being stupid. He’s just being realistic.)

     As the box continues to distract Koutarou from every little thing, Koutarou hastily stands up and opens the box. A familiar scent engulfs him and he quickly closes it again, throwing the box in a far corner.

     He’d rather liked it when an animal jumped on him.

 

_Dear Koutarou,_

_In this box, there are two CDs. Please watch the first one. I’ve explained everything there. I’m sorry for everything. And I’m sorry for explaining everything two years late._

_Love,_

_Akaashi Keiji_

 

It was an awfully short note and Koutarou expected the worse.

 

The note was right, of course. There were two CDs. One had a big ‘ **WATCH THIS FIRST** ’ written in messy black ink—in Keiji’s writing. The other one had ‘ **for koutarou.** ’ written with doodles of owls.

     It was so cliché and old-school and unlike Keiji that it made Koutarou both laugh and cry. He never expected Keiji to do this.

     (Huh. That must mean a lot. Koutarou not knowing Keiji enough to be surprised by this. It leaves a new, yet familiar ache in his heart.)

     He doesn’t watch the first CD until his eyes had cried enough and he can see the DVD player properly.

 

The video starts off with Keiji sitting on his couch. Koutarou’s breathe hitches in his throat. Keiji was wearing a sweater—an awfully familiar sweater. His hand ruffles his hair and he takes a deep breath. Koutarou does too.

     “ _This is awkward_ ,” Keiji’s voice is as soft as ever. Koutarou clutches the pillow in his hands. “ _But I hope I get my point across this way. I can never seem to talk to you personally._ ”

     “ _If I’m being honest. I’ve seen you everywhere, Koutarou. In the metro, at our favourite café, in the thrift store. But I’ve never had the power to walk to you and tell you I’m sorry._

     “ _Loving you was so easy. It was like a fresh breath of air. It was like drinking hot cocoa on a cold day and watching Disney movies with the subtitles turned off. It was so easy and I got so scared. I got so scared, Koutarou. You were the brightest in the room and it scared me. Because you, the brightest in the room, loved me. It was all too surreal and I could never fathom it._ ”

     Keiji’s clutching a handkerchief in his hand and he’s sniffling.

     “ _I remember what my mom told me_ ,” Keiji starts again, looking straight at the camera. “ _She told me that I should love a person who I wouldn’t mind growing old with and someone whom I can fight yet still love. I felt that with you. And god, I loved you so much, Koutarou. But my mom never told me that love was scary._

     “ _Everyone keeps telling me that I’m cool and collected. But with you, I’m not. I completely lose it all. You make me feel like I’m on top of the world but you’re just too fast. Yes, I’m on the top of the world; but you just kept running to every continent. I tried to keep up with the planet to hold your hand but it kept me from doing so. You ran and ran until you jumped to every planet there is and left me here._ ”

     Fucking idiot, Koutarou cries. Why is he so poetic? In real life, Keiji ran even faster than him! For Christ’s sake, Koutarou pauses the video and stuffs his face in the pillow, crying his heart out.

     “ _I want you to know, that this isn’t your fault. This is all mine. I got too fucking scared and left you with a simple, ‘let’s break up’. I regretted it in these two years and I never wanted to jump in your arms and just cry and say sorry._ ” Keiji stops talking and purses his lips. He uses the sleeve of the sweater to wipe his tears and he breathes out a shaky laugh.

     “ _It’s funny, really. How I still kept all of your sweaters. I wear them every day. I almost wish that I didn’t have to wash every single one. Your scent was the only thing that keeps you alive here and now it’s gone. It’s pathetic, how I feel so desperate for your touch and everything you do._

     “ _Hey, Koutarou, I never intended for us to break up. I tried so hard to keep up with your smiles and laughs and every single thing you do. I tried so hard to be happy that I only let myself sink even lower. I thought to myself: ‘why can’t I be happy?’ and I thought it was all because of you. I couldn’t think clearly. My mind kept making alarm sounds around you and it kept pushing me away from you and I couldn’t take it. I couldn’t let you take the blame. But I did. I blamed you._

     “ _I blamed you for running too fast. I blamed you for the smiles and the laughs. I blamed you for everything I did and it fucking hurt. I never knew what to do except to say those words. You were The One, Koutarou. You loved me with all of your heart and I did, too. I fucking did. I loved you until I forgot what hating myself felt like and it never felt so good. To love someone so hard and I miss it. I miss you. I love you. I’m so sorry._ ”

     Keiji was full-on bawling, curling himself into a little ball. It was heartbreaking to watch.

     “ _And you know what?_ ” Keiji chokes out. “ _I loved loving you so much. I still do. I never did stop. Through all these two years, through the mess I was, through the moving and packing, through the screams and shout, despite everything, it was still you. Everything was you. The sun, the clouds, the tea, the coffee, the books, the pens, the notebooks, the blankets, the pillows. Everything is you. I love everything with the thought of you. I found myself while loving you. But I also lost myself when I thought I couldn’t love you anymore._ ”

     Keiji stops talking and looks forlorn at the ground. Koutarou stares at him, tears streaming down his face. He hadn’t expected this. No, never in a million years. Today was probably a normal day. It was supposed to be. And here he was, looking at a video of his The One. It was kinda déjà vu.

     “ _I still love you_.” Keiji whispers and the words echo throughout Koutarou’s apartment and mind. “ _I never did stop. I’m ready to keep up with the pace of the earth just so I can come back to the yesterday where we were still so happy. I would do anything for you. For us to become the ‘us’ three years ago._ ”

     Koutarou definitely wasn’t crying. He knew why Keiji said three years ago. For a year, they just fought and cried and screamed. It was so chaotic and ugly and maybe, Koutarou wished for it at some point. Anything for him and Keiji to be together again.

     “ _I’m sorry_.” Keiji says one last time before licking his lips. “ _Please listen to the other CD. It’s a playlist. For us two. I know what you’re thinking, ‘who knew Keiji, of all people, would do this?’ I didn’t know. It’s just. One day, I looked at these blank CDs and I thought of your face and my mind just went all yes and there weren’t any alarm sounds anymore. I don’t mind if you don’t listen to it. I would understand. I love you, Koutarou._ ”

     The video ends with a black screen and with Keiji gone. It’s all so familiar and Koutarou spends an hour sitting on his couch and crying his heart out.

 

The second CD sits on the box. Koutarou doesn’t make a move to touch it.

 

It’s been two days and Koutarou’s still looking at the CD with a pained look. The handwriting makes him lose his mind and to freeze and to leave the box, opened and sitting still on the corner.

 

Tetsurou visits and looks at the box and doesn’t say anything.

     “Want to watch anime?”

     “Keiji and I used to watch anime at 1 AM.” Koutarou suddenly says. Voice too loud. Tetsurou visibly winces.

     “He would look at me while it was playing and it would often be a fight scene and tell me, ‘I love you’.”

     Tetsurou looks at him before shaking his head. “Let’s take you outside.”

 

_1 AM_

     It’s ironic how Koutarou is drunk and it’s 1 AM and his fingers are searching for the folders in his laptop that he hasn’t touched in two years.

     **Keiji’s Fav Animes (Half of these are also yours Kou.)**

     It was stupid and ironic and fucking stupid. Oh, did Koutarou mention stupid?

 

Keiji loves all kinds of anime. Romance, slice of life, horror, mystery. It was all in this folder. And Koutarou managed to avoid the romance ones. Because romance animes were sad. Koutarou was bitter and angry. He went to the horror ones.

 

There was a note. In one of the horror animes.

            _Don’t forget to download the new one. Koutarou would’ve liked it_.

     Koutarou stares at it and hastily stands up. The box calls out to him and he listens.

 

_2 AM_

The CD starts off upbeat. Koutarou’s favourite songs. It makes him forget about sadness and he laughs. He sings along. He even dances along. He imagines Keiji dancing with him and he stops. Of course.

     The next songs were a blur and they were all English. All of Keiji’s favourites. It makes him lie down on the floor and try to sing along.

     A song makes him cry his heart out. “ _Would it be nice~_ ” Koutarou sings out, voice raspy and the lyrics wrong. He doesn’t care. No one’s here to listen. Fuck them.

    

_4 AM_

Koutarou has replayed the CD over and over again. He feels Keiji beside him and holding his hand and singing along with him.

     An English song is playing as Koutarou closes his eyes and falls asleep.

 

The next day, he finds a note underneath where the second CD is placed on the box.

_If you find this, I’m glad you listened to the CD, Koutarou. I’ll be waiting at our favourite café on December 10 at 3 PM. I really do hope you come._

     That was tomorrow. Koutarou’s weighing his pros and cons.

 

_12:58 PM_

His favourite drink weighs a lot on his palm.

 

_1:30 PM_

A waiter comes to his table and asks him if he wants anything else. Koutarou resists the urge to ask for Keiji’s drink.

     Never mind. It was too sweet, anyways.

 

_2:45 PM_

Quarter to three. Koutarou eyes the doors and thinks if he should make a run for it. Is this worth it? Does Keiji still love him?

 

_2:50 PM_

It was like falling in love again. The doors open and there he is.

     Koutarou’s sweater. Orange scarf. Black jeans. Black coat. Eyes meeting his. It was a dream and a nightmare.

     “Koutarou.”

     A smile and a small laugh.

     “Keiji.”

  


**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading this nonsense. honestly, i don't even know what i wrote. i haven't written in so long and just sat down and wrote this mess. title is from this beautiful [filipino song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-aEEUaEQts) that i love dearly. i was confused if i should put the lyric video or what, haha. i do hope you've enjoyed this mess that i had wrote.
> 
> translation of the title: you are the sun in a rainy day


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